Ugly Girl - December 26, 2012

Wow she gets ugly... she can feel and say some shit that is unbelievably cruel. Only by having others treat her with cruelty has she learned how to act this way herself. However, youth and an unfortunate past are not license to continue in this pattern. Earth energy is heavy...God... "heavy" has been such a predominant theme in my life... I want to fly....I want to be "the wind" the air gently rustling through the leaves or blowing fiercely from time to time,with a purpose in mind...a destination,a goal... The last time I set a "major" goal in stone and saw it through in "the right way" I believe I was 16 years old...Come to think of it, that is the last time I "really admired myself"...WTF really??? Thats some hard core shit considering that I am 54 years old...huh...lets see (pauses to use calculator...) 38 freakin years ago... WOW...what a waste of fucking time and energy and life...not another minute...not even one, will I intentionally waste. Commit...be what you commit to be...only then will you have integrity for yourself...practice all that shit you preach bitch...stuff a sock in your mouth and press the "just do it" button...Do it, and do it well with love and hope and service and joy...

ANGER.... Something we carry around inside of us for weeks, months, years... Do you know how when certain subject matter comes up...your whole body reacts to it?? Whether you want it to or not?? You start talking louder, you get more animated, something twists in your gut?? That's "old moldy anger" that you have not let go of... People in my life have hurt me or damaged me in some way. Some have hurt my family members. When I revisit the subject matter I get PISSED OFF all over again. Then what happens to that anger that has resurfaced??? It sits there hiding, waiting, for some poor innocent to say the wrong thing and then BAM..that person is the recipient of your "old moldy" anger... What to do...how do I give my anger away every day, so that some poor unsuspecting soul is not the recipient of my crap??? Walk....breathe...pray...meditate...breathe the earths clean air into my nostrils and deep into my lungs and breathe out frustration, anger, pain, sadness..and insecurity...breathe it back into mother earth...she will take ALL of the anger we can muster...we can scream, pound the earth, run or walk off the anger...earth can take the beating and turn it into beauty...she takes our carbon dioxide and turns it into "new life" new breath...a new day...with NO anger...deliver whatever you have into her waiting arms and she will gladly take it from you...Where else has there EVER been someone to "gladly" take your anger from you??